OK, PLEASE LET ME APOLOGIZE FOR THIS POST IN ADVANCE. IF YOU SAW THE VIDEO BEFORE IT’S BECAUSE I PRESSED A BUTTON AND DID NOT KNOW IT WAS BEING POSTED ALL BY ITSELF.
On that note…..
This month I have the late shift which means I get into work at 3pm. If you don’t know already, this is prime time for some of the worst television ever. There are a couple shows that really stick out. Dr. Phil, for instance, should be pulled off the air and every tape of past episodes should be burned in a dumpster. It’s shows like these that make me sad for America. The fact that people watch them, and enjoy them, and take life lessons from them, is absolutely terrifying.
But if you don’t know, Dr. Phil is an ex-Oprah regular, and somehow convinced someone, somewhere, that he should have his own show. Well, now another regular Oprah doctor has convinced what must have been the drunkest producer in the world that he needs a show as well. This person goes by Dr. OZ.
His show comes on everyday at 3pm, just in time for me to get into work and turn on the TV next to my desk. Switching through the channels I stopped on the show Tuesday to see if it was any good. Oprah had been hyping it up for months (not that I watch Oprah or anything).
Well let me tell you, this show is so disgusting and awkward to watch that you have to keep watching it to make sure it’s not a joke. The look on the faces of those in attendance when Dr. OZ takes one of their fellow audience members hostage and asks her to describe what sample vaginal secretions look and feel like is pure and utter horror. He also had a cadaver’s uterus on hand. “Pick that up and tell me what it feels like,” he says. My response to him would be: “No sir, I will not hold the dead uterus. Thank you!”
My office mates and I thought it could get no worse, but of course, the next day the show outdoes itself:
This video is about poo. And how poo is formed. And what poo should look like. Of course, he has real examples for his audience member/hostage to look at. We in the office, as TV producers, didn’t know what to say. These segments seem like a ratings nightmare. If I pitched a segment about poo for my show everyone would laugh and then I would be asked to collect my things and leave the building.
So I came in today, planning on avoiding this show, hoping that I could go the day without being subjected to what kind of microbes live on a thong. I walked to my cube mate and, of course, she’s got it on in her cubicle. I go, “isn’t this show ridiculous? Yesterday it was poo, I bet today they talk about what’s wrong with your pee!”
I look at the screen, and wouldn’t you know it, Dr. Oz is putting his finger into a cup of pee and tasting it to make sure it is healthy. I went nuts.
Now I’m not a woman, so maybe I just don’t understand. Maybe there is a stay-at-home mom somewhere is the middle of Kansas sitting there saying, “So my poo shouldn’t look like that?!” She then goes to the doctor and they find a horrible stomach disease that she came in to treat just before it was too late. Dr. OZ, saving lives, one disgusting episode at a time.